We all naturally want to matter, we want a sense of importance because we are individually trying to express our uniqueness. We naturally desire to communicate with others too, shyness is usually from some kind of insecurity.
Using any external means to fill in any emptiness inside can cause toxic relationships. The issue began at home if our parents did not give us the proper care, attention, and unconditional love.
We begin to go out to the world seeking something to feel either noticed, important, loved, liked, or respected. I can be good-looking, then go out looking or expecting things, just to keep feeling attractive. This helps the person feel secure that they look good.
Once I made a conscious decision to accept myself as a cool person and decided that I am attractive, that old mindset got boring. When we let others define us by their opinions, doesn't matter how we look and who we are, we will forever try to fit, or not bother trying to fit others' perceptions.
A person gets something new that they see as shiny, such as a car, a woman, or a house. They may even meet someone that has status, we can easily fool ourselves and then start new behaviors.
Now all of a sudden I am chasing to show I have something or hanging around certain places or people because they consider me acceptable.
I remember when I needed certain people to say hi to me, I would always say what's up. There is no point in putting any person, place, thing, or idea above our self-love.
Respect is something that is earned by being your cool natural self, that is not needing to impress yourself and especially others.
